The idea of death, or not…

I’ve been debating all day whether to write this or not… But like so many other things, if I don’t write it, it will sit in my mind and fester until I go nuts… I’ve spent the day getting my Wills in place, making sure I had arrangements for my Cats, getting my Living Will put together, etc… I scared my best friend with some of my emails to her today, and to her I apologize… That was not my intention… My only intention was to put things on paper, and make sure others knew things that they should know… For those of you who are wondering why death is on my mind, allow me to illuminate the situation…  *click – to turn on the light*

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering
a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it. – George Carlin

First, and probably the most dangerous at the moment, 15 months ago I was diagnosed with an aneurism in the aorta above my heart… Last year, in June, it was 4.7 centimeters long… That’s just under 2 inches in size… I’m going to be confirming that size in about 2 months, sooner if I can get them to agree to it… I also have a polyp in my lung, although I was told it was nothing to worry about… I have afib of the heart, that acts up from time to time… And finally I have UC, Ulcerative Colitis…  In other words, I’m a MESS!  LOL  I’ve never been a hypochondriac in my life, but it seems that I am now… Every time I feel a twinge, a pull, or something else in my heart, my blood goes cold… (Imagine scenes from Sanford and Son; “I’m coming’ ‘Lizabeth!”)  *grin*

A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy?  –JERRY SEINFELD

It makes me want to make sure that folks know the things they should know, that people have the lists they should have, and that folks know how I feel… And shouldn’t we tell those folks how we feel anyway, withOUT the feeling that death is on the doorstep?  So that’s the other reason I’m here… To say those things that we should be saying anyway… And you’ll get this BEFORE my death, so if you have issues with what I say here, say it to me now!  ‘Cause I could croak tomorrow and you wouldn’t have a chance to edit it!  *cackle*

The living are just the dead on holiday – Maurice Maeterlinck

To my kids, Denise and Elric, thank you… Denise, you make me so proud with the things you experience and learn… You were my first child, my first experience at adulthood, and you taught me more than anyone else in my life… You and I experienced things that no one else will ever understand… You are smart, beautiful and have so much to offer… Just remember that YOU come first… Not some man… YOU… Above all else, take care of you before you try to take care of someone else…   To Elric, my smart ass son, you didn’t fall too far from your family tree… You learned quick, learned well and forgot little… I remember our discussions, our arguments and our conversations… You could have been a helluva lawyer… But I loved them!  You are a strong personality and I love that… Be who you want to be… You’ve made your mistakes, and from those mistakes you’ve made decisions… Live with those decisions and improve on them… Be what you want to be, and be the best at it… I love you both…

Quote seen, but no idea who wrote it:  When I die, can someone dress up like the Reaper and attend my ceremony?  Don’t say anything, just stand there…

To my parents, it’s not easy being my parents, I’m sure… But you hung in there… You loved me, asked about me, and made sure I knew you were there… All kids walk a strange path, but once I made it past that path, you were still there for me; waiting…  There are areas of my life that you may not agree with, but please know that I am who I am because of the strength you gave me… Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, and for loving me… I love you both so much!

Johnny Carson: For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

To my best friend, Karen… You will never know what you’ve meant to me… There are things you’ve taught me, that you’re not even aware of… Your patience, love, humour, and persistence have meant more to me, then I can possibly say here… You have the gentleness of a lamb, but the heart of a Lion!  You’ve stood up for me, when no one else did… You’ve taught me what a loving relationship is supposed to be… Hopefully I’ll have time in my life to put that last lesson to good use… Thank you for being who you are… Thank you and Derek for showing me the good and pain-free side of life… You both have your Angel Wings already, wear them proudly… I love you both!

According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take “a harder stance” on the death penalty. What’s a harder stance on the death penalty? We’re already killing the guy? How do you take a harder stance on the death penalty? What, are you going to tickle him first? Give him itching powder? Put a thumbtack on the electric chair?  –JAY LENO

To my other friends, Melissa, ML, Roger, Sharon, Jan, Janice, Anita, James, Victor and Sheila… (If you’re name is not here, it’s not that I don’t think of you too… It’s just that I’m getting old and my mind forgets things from time to time… Now…what was I doing again?)  *grin*  We’ve all shared some fabulous times together!  Some of you I work with, and you make my days go by a little faster, a little easier and a little less stressful… Some of you I know outside of work… (I know; I have a life outside of work?  How can that be?)  You’ve enriched my life, helped me to grow and helped me pave my way to what I’m supposed to be… You all have left your footprint on my heart, and I’m happy that my heart has those prints… I hope in some small way, that I’ve left a paw print for you as well…

I don’t believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
~ Woody Allen

To my Cats: Sophie, Beep and Squirt… You three have been my anchor for the last 9 years… No matter what, you are there, waiting for me, waking me up, being with me when I felt lonely, and reminding me of just what fuzzy love is… Soph, you came out of your shell at my lowest point and proved to me that you really do have a heart… You slept with me, purred for me and checked on me when I just didn’t think I had the strength anymore to get up… Beep, you showed me what a world without sound can be…  With your hearing gone, you increased your purrsonality and your voice volume to make sure you’re heard… And to Squirt, my fuzzy boyfriend, you’re the only man in my life… With your big rabbit feet, you allowed me to sing YMCA, make you fang smile, and in general use your feet for my amusement…

I have lost friends, some by death — others by sheer inability to cross the street.
~ Virginia Woolf

There are so many folks who took a chance on me… And I hope I haven’t disappointed you or made you regret that chance… I hope that in some small way, I’ve helped to make you smile… I believe that we live multiple lives in order to learn something… And that each life we pass through, is another chance to learn the next lesson on our way to whatever version of Heaven you believe in… Everyone reading this has had some small part of my life and in the lessons I needed to learn… Thank you for being there, in whatever capacity you were… And thank you for listening!

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? ~ Woody Allen

So, to death I say, ok I’m ready now… I’ve said my peace, I’ve collected my paperwork, I’ve left behind whatever I’m going to leave behind… Whatever comes, will come… And even though I hope to live and annoy people for at least another 30 to 40 years, I will leave with nothing left unsaid, or love unshown…  So bring it on! Don’t forget the scythe!  It’s just not a proper death without the scythe!  I’d feel so cheated… And just like Ron Weasley said:

“Death’s got an Invisibility Cloak?” Harry interrupted again.
“So he can sneak up on people,” said Ron. “Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking…”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

And our lives continue…

Good morning Dear Readers!  It’s a rainy cold Sunday morning, and it’s exactly my favorite kind!!  I was terrified of storms and rain as a child, but as an adult, nothing makes me happier than waking to hear the rain, seeing it fall outside my window, or listening to Mother Nature’s call when the thunder booms across the world… That thunder is amazing, truly… It rumbles, it rolls, it almost demands your attention, and then just as quickly it continues it’s journey into the distance… Nothing stops it… It’s going to do and go where it wants… It’s YOUR job to acknowledge it, feel it, and allow it to roll through you… I love thunder storms because it reminds me how much power Mother Nature has, and truly how little WE have as humans…

Many things have power over us… We may think we’re the biggest and baddest things on earth, but in truth we’re but a small part of this wonderful blue marble we live on… Oh we can do some damage to her… We can kill, maim, torture, stem the tide of natural processes and selection… At least for a little while… However, we are nothing but an hour to the timeline of this Earth… She can shrug her shoulders at any time, and we’ll become nothing but a memory for her… I often wonder why she doesn’t do that… Why does she not just get tired of these annoying fleas that exist on her surface, shrug her shoulders and let her surface become peaceful once more… The same answer comes back to me every time…

She is a mother… She is OUR mother… She nurtures us, nourishes us, protects us, calms us and teaches us what we need to know… Just as most Mothers will love their children no matter how badly they act, no matter how they try to ignore their mothers, or even pretend they’re dead, Mothers will continue to love their children…  I know I do mine… They try to pretend I don’t exist, tell others that I don’t support them (when often times I’ve been the only one that did), and even tell people that I’ve died… That’s their choice.. They are free to say or do whatever they want…  It doesn’t stop my love for them, it doesn’t stop my joy at seeing them happy, my sadness when the world is cruel to them, or my desire to see or hear from them at least once a decade…  As most children have done at one time or another, my kids think that their Mother was mean to them, or didn’t give them what they wanted… But just like our Earth, I look at them and think “They’re on their own, they have jobs and food, they’re living their own lives, they both have graduated from schools, they’ve not produced any unwanted children, and they’re not in jail… If that is ‘being mean’, then I’ll take the blame for it…”

I’m sure our Mother Earth looks at us the same way… We think that the “Powers that Be” have been neglectful, or mean to us… Yet we live… We eat… We smile at something during the day… We have everything we need at our feet… She has provided all of that for us, and more… And we need to respect that just a little more…

This wasn’t where I wanted today’s blog to go, but like so many things in our lives, I let the water of thought travel where it may, so it’s not my job to deter it… So on this rainy and cold Sunday, I offer you a hearty Hello, and hope that you’ll take the time to enjoy the peace that our Earth has provided us today… And if it’s sunny where you are right now, then enjoy the warmth that she’s given you, and share it with someone else… Enjoy your Earth folks, because just Mothers, she’s the only one we have…

2013 and this time of year

Writer’s note: I’m a little depressed, hence the mood at the beginning here… But please read all the way through, as the mood will change…  :)

Happy Christmas Eve dear readers… Well, maybe not…   I’ve grown to dislike this time of year… Combine that with the year I’ve had, and it’s hard to keep the depression at bay… I’ll be so glad when the holidays are over, to be honest… Being single during the holidays sucks… Everyone talks about being with friends and family, feeling loved, and everyone being so much nicer than other times of the year… I fail to see it… And it’s not that I don’t try to see it: I do try… But I’ve not been invited to a holiday party since I was still married, ironically enough… (That’s 9 years ago, folks)  I’ve not been invited to share the holiday with anyone, in at least 3 years… And being the only single person in my circle of friends, it drives the point home even more at this time of year…

I try to avoid the usual holiday claptraps, but no matter where you go, it’s there… Just yesterday I had to run some errands in town… One of them was to run to Walgreens for a prescription… (An errand that seems never-ending these days…)  I love Walgreens because it’s like a toy store for adults!  There’s always something in there that I’ve never seen before!  As I drove there, I thought to myself “You know, you have an extra $10 in your account, let’s look for something new and special to buy to cheer us up…”  Excited by that thought, I sat a little taller in the driver’s seat… But as  I got closer to the store, my brain started processing what all I needed to purchase to make it to the next paycheck… As I went through my bank account in my head, I realized that every dollar I had needed to go to either prescriptions, probiotics, utility bills, or food to last through to the next paycheck….  Hear that whooshing sound?  That was the sound of good cheer flying right out the driver’s side window…  And again, the depression threatened to take over… I did allow myself to walk through the store and browse, looking for interesting items, but the thought never left me that I needed to do what I came there for, and then leave…

OH and let’s not even TALK about the guy in the red Mustang that came within INCHES of hitting me!!!  He/She pulled out to turn right on red without stopping OR looking, I clearly had a green light and if there’d been anyone in the lane to my left, we all would have found ourselves meeting a cop and a claims adjuster…. Whew!!  But I’m betting he/she did some damage to their tires or alignment as they drove up and over a curb to avoid hitting me once they heard my horn and saw my big black grill coming at them!!  Talk about jump starting your heart!  But I digress…

As I think back over the last 12 months, I think about what has gone on, the amount of money spent on my medical items, and the difference between where I was a year ago and where I am now…  Financially, I’m lost… My health insurance premiums will be going up $103 a month, starting in a week… Because of this, I’ve had to shut down all of my “fun” services like Netflix, Audible.com, etc… I also had to shut down my “I’ve fallen and can’t get up” 911 service… I’m also selling my motorcycle, but having a hard time with that one… (Wrong time of the year for it, to be honest…)  And if I total up all of the money I’ve spent this year for prescriptions, it breaks my heart…  I’ll be totaling it all up as I prepare to do my taxes in a few weeks… And to that end, I started putting all of my receipts together, writing down all of the appointments I had so I can figure out the mileage to each, and getting my payments together so I can hopefully use the medical tax break this year… Doing those simple deeds, however, brings home how much money and time was spent being ill this year… I’m hoping that now that trend will be finally on the positive side for the new year, but my hope is tenuous…

It’s getting harder to find joy in the things that I used to… I used to enjoy food a great deal… But now, with all of the restrictions and things I have to look out for, that joy is gone for me… Watching TV can be quite a pain too… Here’s an experiment for you… Watch one hour of prime time TV and count the number of commercials you see for food and/or restaurants… And of course many of the places that are advertising are places that I wouldn’t be able to go, even if I had the money… I can’t enjoy my online movies, because those cost money, hence they’ve been discontinued for me… I can’t travel, gas is too expensive… Even reading is getting harder for me… Because of my condition and the meds that I’m on, my vision isn’t as good as it used to be, and I can’t afford new glasses…

I rely heavily on my old laptop, and I pray that it lasts for a while longer… It’s over 7 years old and there’s no way I can afford a new one… So I clean it, defrag it and just talk to it nicely in the hopes that it’ll hang on… I have three Cats, one of whom is currently under the care of the local Vet… Her care this year has just reached the $1,000 mark… My truck insurance just went up thanks to the State of South Carolina changing some laws and forcing the companies to charge us more…  Also found out last week that two of my regular medications will be going up… Granted, not much, but total that up with everything else and you can begin to understand where I’m at financially and mentally…

So, Stormy, why not get a 2nd job?  Because with my health, it’s hard to know when I’ll be able to work and when I won’t… Why not apply for a new job?  Did that and got turned down… My job is very focused and specific and there aren’t many of those jobs out there to begin with… But I am looking…

Now before anyone gets the idea that I’m ready to walk off a bridge somewhere, it’s not all bad here at the abode… I have friends… Some amazing friends…  They’re going through some tough times too, hence the reason I’m trying not to bug them right now… But I know they’re there, and they show me their Angel’s wings from time to time and remind me of what I DO have… I also have some amazing parents… And even though I can’t afford to go see them, they too remind me of their love for me… These two groups humble me more than they can ever know…

I also have a roof over my head, there’s food in the pantry, gas in my truck’s tank, lights coming from my lamps, and water through my pipes… My heater is so old that I give up a small “thanks” every time I hear it come on… But it’s on, and I’m heated decently… (I keep the heat at 63 in order to keep that electric bill down, but by gosh, I’ve got heat!  LOL)  I’m employed and have good health insurance… I’m not wholly unhappy about the things I’ve had to lose this year, because it means that I at least HAD them to lose!  Many others don’t… I try to donate when and where I can, because again there are too many others out there who have significantly less than I do…

So as this lousy year ends next week, I won’t be sad to see it go… I will welcome 2014 with a smile and a hopeful thought that it’ll be so much better than it’s dying sibling… Here’s to the new year… To better health… To lower bills…  To brighter days… To new friendships… And who knows?  Maybe even a new love?  Well, one can dream…  *smile*  I wish you and yours a nice holiday and bright new year!!

Better Days and taking it slow…

Well, Sweet Readers, I’ve been quite neglectful in updating my blog… I do apologize, but it comes from feeling better and being able to finally have some form of a “normal” life… Let me update on you on what I’ve been doing lately…

My system is not in remission yet, but I can see it on the horizon!  The last appointment I had with my GI, found me tapering off the pred, starting the 6MP again, and taking the last of my anti-biotics… I’ve also increased my probiotics on my own, to see if it would help…  The probiotics are a little pricey, but what you find is, it’s worth it to live a life… I’m starting the 2nd week of my 30MG of pred, and the 30MGs is always the worst for me… This one’s not been too bad, since I now know what to expect… But I’ll be glad to step down to 20…

I’ve also started eating regular food again, although I’ve not stepped yet to the one thing I really miss: salads… I hope to do that in the next week or two… But I’ve found so many new recipes in the meantime, that I’m anxious to try them… I found a company that is supposed to known for making mustard that doesn’t use wheat vinegar!  I bought a bottle yesterday and hope to try it soon… I miss that condiment so much!  Deviled eggs and tuna salad are two things that I dearly miss and hope this new mustard will help with… I’ve also got a batch of home made mustard, made by a very good friend of mine, that I can’t wait try as well!  Imagine going from not being able to eat mustard, to having two choices to choose from!!  What a lucky person I am!

What I still lack right now is energy… I’m trying to rebuild that slowly, but it’s hard!  Especially with it being so cold outside… Who wants to walk outside in 25 degree temps?  LOL  But it’s just so nice to be able at least “sorta” know how your day is going to go… I still take a step back once in a while.. I had a step back about a week ago, when I didn’t pay attention to my body… I thought I could handle what it was telling me, and put myself in a situation where I had no “out”… And I paid for it… Lesson learned and backpack refilled… BUT it’s ok… I lived through it and started anew the next day… And that, sweet readers, is what it’s all about… Starting a new day…

Financially, however, I’m taking a dive… Starting January 1st, my health insurance premiums will be going up by $100 a month… It’s a huge hit to my paycheck, to be sure… So I’m selling the motorcycle, have cut down on many of my small services, and have asked friends to understand that I can’t spend money like I have in the past… It sucks, but it’s all part of what we have to do… I’m lucky enough that I have things to give up in order to make ends meet… There are so many other folks who have already given up so much, and can’t cut any more…  So I cut, and look for other ways to try and help myself financially.. In the meantime I find ways to give to others because gosh knows others have it worse than I do… I’m lucky.. I have a home, a pantry of food, fuzzies, a truck, a job, health insurance and more important than anything else (almost), friends… *smile*

So on we go, Readers!  Onward, upward, vertical and ventilating!  LOL  I hope your Thanksgiving was good and filled with food, friends and family…

Some helpful hints and the storm clouds….

This will be a two-fold post for us today, folks… First, some helpful hints for those who are new to UC… I read somewhere that sleeping on your left side was not the greatest for your heart and actually encouraged colon movement… In experimenting, I found that the latter was definitely true… Currently I tend to have at least one episode a night that can last for 30 minutes to an hour… Once it begins to die down, I’ve found that if I lay back down on my right side, it will allow me to get back to sleep without another episode… If I lay on my left side, however, I will be back up again within about 10 minutes… A professional experiment?  No, but one that worked for me…

Another tidbit, if you’re in an episode, sitting up tends to slow things down… It won’t stop it… But if you’re in a particularly bad bout, trying sitting somewhere with your feet up… It will at least give you some temporary relief and allow a small respite… At night, when I know that my episode has started, instead of getting back into bed, I’ll grab my smartphone, sit in my office chair with my feet up and spend the rest of the episode that way… It makes me more comfortable and seems to ease the discomfort…

And yet, another lesson that I had forgotten but was taught again yesterday… Yes, I am feeling better and more in control…  But NEVER doubt what your body says… I ended up almost having a small accident yesterday because I felt so good that I felt I had time… Thank goodness for my running skills and being the best at the “50 yard butt clench dash” because otherwise I wouldn’t have made it… Lesson?  Don’t get cocky with what your body feels!  LOL

Storm Clouds… Yes, there are a few on the horizon… Thanks to a good friend of mine at work, I discovered that my health insurance premiums were going up $101 a month, starting January 1st… For someone who already has no money in her savings and lives from pay check to pay check literally, this was quite a shock… Instead of getting angry, I spent an hour with another friend (who is MUCH smarter in this area than I) looking over my options and figuring out if I needed to change my health insurance plan… As it turns out, I’m better off staying where I am… But it requires some changes… So, good byes were said to Netflix, my audio book club, and a few other things that I normally subscribe to… I also decided to put my motorcycle up for sale… I hate to do it, as it is such a part of who I am… But when you’re looking at the possibility of not being able to eat or pay your electric bill, things have to go…  My heater was already set to 63, which is where I had it last year, so that I can try and keep my electric bill to a minimum… I checked my cable, DISH, and phone bills for any other areas I could cut funds… I’ve got a plan in place to see about changing how I pay for one of my insurance policies to try and put money back in my pocket, instead of it flying out the door…

Again, this could be an area where I could feel sorry for myself… But as I told my friend, Karen, at least I have those areas to cut and still have a home, food, transportation and care for my fuzzies… Many folks don’t have that flexibility… The upcoming holidays will once again be lean, and probably leaner than they already were in previous years… But again, it’s all about choices… And learning to live with UC, those choices must come first… You learn to lean, bend and go with what you can, or you get run over… So lean I will… Lean, I must… And go I will…

More lessons learned about GIs and UC

Good day Sweet Readers!  I can hardly believe that it’s November already!  When you’re ill with something that takes up almost every minute of every day, it seems the days last forever… But then one day you look back and realize that the summer is gone, and we’re within sight of the winter days… (As I sit here, I’m wearing my favorite “Wicked” hoodie and white/purple footies)  This particular flare started on July 20th and continues to haunt my days here on November 3rd…  3.5 months in and I’m back at square one… This might be a moment to despair, or to be glum… But, yet again, it’s what I’ve learned that keeps me looking forward…

Two Mondays ago, I called my GI and explained that I was once again nowhere with my recovery… I wasn’t able to make it to work; was once again not eating or sleeping and something needed to change… He had me come in the next morning, put me back on prednisone and decided that my 6MP meds weren’t working… He wanted a sample and bloodwork from me, and talked about putting me on Humira… Great, a self-injectable drug… JUST what this needle-phobic gal needs… I once told my then spouse that if I ever became a diabetic, he better learn how to run and inject at the same time because it was the only way I was going to get my insulin… Now my worst nightmare was staring me in the face…  My GI started me on 40 MG of pred, and had me stay home for the week…

I knew by Thursday that something still wasn’t right… Friday morning brought me to a low point… I was dizzy, light headed, the episodes were every 15 to 20 minutes, but my heart-rate was right at 60 which is normal for me… So I knew two things… This was NOT heart related, and it had everything to do with the UC… I contacted my friend, Karen, asking for advice… In talking with her I realized a couple of other things… I had allowed myself to become dehydrated and I wasn’t taking enough pred… I started drinking water, took another 20 MG of pred and within 2 hours felt right as rain… Not drinking enough water is a fault of mine and one I am working on… By this time I had contacted my GI and advised what I’d done… Long story short, they did NOT appreciate me taking more pred without their permission… But as it turns out, there wasn’t anything they could do about it, AND I was right to do so…

So what are my lessons so far?  1) DRINK!!!  I have to keep up on the water… It’s hard sometimes, especially when I get my head into work… But I have to… 2) I need to recognize that no one knows my body like me… If I feel like something isn’t working, do something about it or say so… Another hard lesson because it’s drilled into our heads that the Almighty Doctor knows us… They don’t… They learn, yes… But WE are the owners of these shells and we have to learn to listen to them…  And here comes the next set of lessons…

I turned in the sample and bloodwork on that Friday and waited for the results on Monday… I was also waiting for the scolding about upping my pred, but just as Karen said, it never came… When the results came in Monday, it showed that the original issue of C-Diff had never been resolved… I was still positive for it!!  So, lesson #3) after my round of antibiotics for C-diff, demand a retest!!  Had I been retested back in August, after the first round of meds, we might have found then that the whole core of this issue was not resolved… So I’m now on Vancomycin, 4X a day, for 14 days… According to a drug control agent who works for my Gov’t Agency, that is a very strong drug and not one pulled out by Doctor’s lightly… What I’m thankful for is that I don’t seem to have any side affects from it… Not like I did with the first two sets of drugs they gave me…  I will demand a retest after this round of meds is over… Before I go any further, I want to make sure that the C-diff is gone!  I can’t begin a recovery, if the illness is not dealt with first…

I have an appointment with my GI on Monday and my next step will be to back away from the Humira… He assumed that the 6MP wasn’t working because the C-diff was not dealt with… How could it?  So I’m going to talk to him about giving the 6MP another try, once the C-diff is gone… One reason is because it was working fine until the C-diff, why give up on it?  The other reason?  Money… The 6MP is $20 a month… I don’t know how much the Humira is yet, but the fact that there is an automatic enrollment into a Co-Pay assistance plan when you’re given the prescription ought to tell you something about it… So Lesson 4)?  Don’t be afraid to speak up… If there’s no reason to move to a more expensive drug, say so!  Or at least ask for an explanation… That’s your right!

So as I enter my 2nd week of my antibiotic treatment, I look forward to finally…well… moving forward!!  I’ve been able to eat again, go to work and actually run errands!  I ran several Friday afternoon and felt such a feeling of accomplishment!  I feel better than I have in weeks, have a bit more optimism now and want that to continue…  There are some storm clouds on the horizon and I’ll deal with that in my next blog… But for now, my hoodie, footies and I are warm, out of pain, comfortable and enjoying some peace… And after all, is that what life is about??

And the fun continues

Hello Dear Readers and welcome to the next chapter of this wonderful wacky world of UC!  I’ve been away for a bit and after reading you’ll understand why…I believe in one of my previous posts, I mentioned that my latest flare started on the 20th of July… We thought we had it under control and the Doc had me slowly tapering off the prednisone… Ok, nothing new, I’ve done this before… I came off the pred two Saturday’s ago and I thought all would be well… Bright sunshine… Good lookin’ people having picnics… Children running through the park… You get the scene…  *smile*

Well the good lookin’ people never showed up, it rained on the picnic and the kids were scared off by a clown… In other words, I started going downhill almost immediately… I stopped eating again, I couldn’t leave the house, I wasn’t sleeping, etc… The episodes were back, the pain from the spasms were back, and I was almost back to the point where I was last year before I was even diagnosed… I kept calling into my GI’s office, asking for help, but my GI was out of town and the attending GI wasn’t a great deal of help… I did call and get an appointment with my guy, but it wasn’t for another 10 days… I finally decided I couldn’t wait any longer.. I called in and asked for an earlier appointment and explained why…

Lo and behold, they got me in the next morning and I finally got to see my GI… His diagnosis?  My meds aren’t working… (I could have told him that…)  Soooo they’ve decided to put me back on Pred (whoopee), and this Friday, I get to learn how to inject myself with meds… Those of you who know me are right now saying to yourself “Whooooaaa wait… She’s got to inject herSELF??  This same woman who has to be pushed to the front of the line to get her flu shot??”   It’s true, dear friends… They’re putting me on a new med and I have to inject it every other week… I can’t WAIT for that lovely nightmare…

Let me add this here… I’ve commented before on how you lose your modestly and humility upon learning that you have this condition… Well I lost what little I had, yesterday… While I was in there, the Doc decided to do a quick, wait for it, rectal exam!  *groan*  Again, no dinner, no flowers, nothing… As one of my friends commented, the least he could have done was blow in my ear!!!  Nope, got none of that… All I got was “Roll over”… Hmmmm Kind of like being married, isn’t it?!  *grin*

So a new phase of meds begins for me and I’m hoping this will finally put me back on my feet and less on my loo… I’m tired of being homebound although my Cats love it… I’m tired of not being able to run errands, and to visit with friends and in general be able to just “live”… I’ll let you know how the injection goes on Friday… For those who are curious, it’s Humira that I’ll be taking… Cross your fingers and I’ll let you know…