At the darkest moment in your life, sanity reappears to make you feel foolish

Good day, Readers!

It’s been a while since I posted, and that’s what happens when you’re feeling healthy!  I was finally able to find the end of that horrible trail from last year, get my body back into remission and finally get back to my life!  I continue to take my probiotics, although I’ve changed the amount I take… (I increased it…)   And I’m more careful than ever about what I eat, where I eat, and trying to stay germ free…

What I want to talk about today though, has to do with those moments in our lives where we’re just not sure that 1) we’re sane, 2) that we can handle what Life has thrown at us, and 3) wanting to just get off this trolley ride for something slower and with more sanity…

There are three Cats that allow me to live with them… Now I’m a terrible Cat Mom… I mean my fuzzies don’t starve, and they do have clean litterboxes to leave their presents in… But they don’t get all the attention they deserve, and I can be short tempered at times… There’s one in particular that tends to drive me crazy… She and I can go at it like a teenage girl and her mother… Her name is Sophie and she has become quite an Angel to me… Before I was diagnosed with UC, she really wanted very little to do with me… But with the UC attacks come, she’s right by my side… During those times when I can lay down in between the trips to the loo, she’ll be right there purring as loud as she can… Often times she’ll move to lay next to me while I’m napping and somehow will know when my body will attack and I’ll awake to her purring…  She’s become almost my closest friend, as odd as that sounds… However, she tends to very OCD and doesn’t like changes… And that’s where this story starts…

The past 3 weeks have seen two snowstorms here in South Carolina… Now realize that South Carolina is NOT accustomed to snow, so it’s been a big shock for many reasons… This past Saturday, we were finally able to see the sun again and get the thaw really started… I looked out of my back door at one point to see a small black Kitten wandering on my back porch… Now I live in the country so we see Kitties from time to time… But two things struck me… One, she was limping… Two, she was STARVING!  She had been eating my bird seed, if that tells you anything… I just knew that if I went out there with a bowl of food, she’d run off and possibly hurt herself even more!  HA!  I could not have been more wrong… She ran at me, and jumped in my lap as I sat down with the bowl!!!  Well, that was it… I had to bring her in!

I decided to put in one of my back bedrooms and set her up with food, water and a small litter box… I also made her a little cave under one of the chairs so she’d have a place to hide and sleep… Monday I took her to the Vet… Sure enough, her limp is being caused from having a broken leg!!  And she’d been without food for so long, she was only 5 pounds!  The Vet said she was just under a year old, but that otherwise she was very healthy!  The x-ray of her leg looks terrible, but I’ve found that she can run on it when she wants to, and will use it to knead and grab things, although not a great deal…   The Vet said the surgery was going to cost between $1,000 and $1,500!  I panicked!  I don’t have the kind of money!  And in the last 3 months, I’d already spent over $1,200 on two of my Fuzzies!  I decided to open a GoFundMe page and ask for donations… Several of my friends jumped in and donated and I was, and AM, grateful!!  But I allowed myself to get frustrated that the money wasn’t coming in fast enough to get her surgery and get her feeling better… Here’s where I let myself get off track…

Between trying to make sure that I spend time with her (since she’s back in the room by herself), spend time with my 3 Fuzzies, work, take care of household duties and myself, I was getting mentally and emotionally frustrated!  The Vet called me today to tell me that the estimate for the surgery would be $1,385.. I called them back and asked them if there was anything we could work out because even with the donations, I didn’t have that amount yet!  Now, get this… They told me no, but that if I could get half of the amount together, that they would do the surgery, then I could give them post-dated checks for the rest… Uuummm ok, if I don’t know when or how often the donations will continue to come in, then HOW can I put a date on a check?!  Feeling completely frustrated, I reached out to my best friend, asking if I could contact HER Vet to see if something else could be done… Of course she said yes, and I called… Well they wanted me to bring her in, but I had to stay with her (couldn’t drop her off) AND they didn’t start looking at patients until 9 this next day!  In my mind, this was another brick wall…

I live about 45 minutes from this other Vet, so it was going to make it a very long day with having to drive the wee one in, visit the Vet, turn around, drive her back home, turn around, drive back to work, only to turn around and drive back home 4 hours later…  I called the Vet back, asked if I could bring her in TODAY, which I ultimately did… Now, during all this, my emotions were rising, and the brick wall in my head was getting taller and taller… (I can hear alot of you out there singing “Just another brick in the wall”)  *grin* I called my best friend and basically had a nutty over what was going on and how I didn’t understand why a Vet, seeing an obviously hurt animal, wouldn’t want to do something to get it done… I’ve read many a news story that talked about how someone rescued a hurt animal and the Vet helped out with the costs or didn’t charge at all… Where are THOSE vets, I cried to my friend…

I ran home, boxed up my new little charge and hightailed it back to the city… I talked to the little one the whole way there… (She’s a great listener!)  *grin*  She’s a VERY laid back Cat and nothing much seems to bother her…  After talking with her on the ride in, I was much calmer and ready to face the issue again… As I waited for the Vet, who should walk in, but my best friend!!  She was worried about me and came to the Vet to see me… (Actually I think she was worried about me going postal on the Vet… But don’t tell her I said that…)  *grin*  I explained that I was fine, and that I had calmed down… The Vet looked through the Kitten’s records (which I’d had emailed from the first Vet) and she agreed that surgery was probably the best bet, but that they didn’t do that kind of surgery there… However, her explanation of the break in Kitten’s arm, AND how she thought Kitten would handle it, made me feel sooooo much more optimistic… Part of the problem was that the first Vet didn’t explain the break very well, so I misunderstood how the arm was really broken… My friend also had the forethought to ask the Vet if she knew of any kind of funding that I could find to help… I’d never have thought of that!  The Vet said she didn’t, but would ask around to see if anyone else did… Then, without me realizing it until she told me, my friend paid for the exam fee… *shakes head and smiles*  Love that woman, I really do…

Now, for the apex of all this… My friend had to go back to work, so off she went… As I was driving home, I was talking to my small charge again… Now, she’s all black and the cage is dark…So all I can see is two disembodied yellow eyes staring out at me… Really kind of neat actually… As I’m talking, I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do… I tend to obsess on things from time to time so my mind drifted back to how the leg could have gotten broken in the first place… The terrible images of someone breaking it on purpose flashed through my mind and in a fit of frustration I said “STOP thinking about the past!!  FIX it and MOVE on!”  The thought stopped me in my mental tracks…  That is EXACTLY what this Kitten’s been doing all along!!!  Then I burst out into tears… (Now, get this… Driving down the interstate at 70 mpg, rush hour traffic, and I’m bawling…  LOVELY view, right?)  LOL   But it was such an epiphany!!  I’ve been single for almost 9 years and have not let anyone really get close to me… Mentally I’ve been using my past as a reason to stand in the back and stay alone…  My “injuries” have been mental and emotional… Her’s are physical… Yet, this small black Kitten has moved on and found a way to continue living in the “now”… She’s let these things go and is working on her future…

My best friend and I disagree on what events like this mean… I believe that things like this happen to us, because there’s something in it we need to learn, or something we’re supposed to build on… She respectfully disagrees… But having that epiphany, and also realizing that this little girl was purposefully brought into my life for a reason, lifted my heart, re-opened my mind and allowed me to breath… I’ve been feeling for a while now that a major change was on it’s way… The pressure has been building and every bone in my body has been telling me to prepare because something was coming… And I think it was this little girl and the lesson she brought with her… I truly do…  So, I’m going to get the money together for her surgery, patiently… I’m going to get her leg fixed and help her to recover, patiently… I’m going to let her take the lead in showing me how to let go, and move on… This tiny little Cat, came through a broken leg and starving through two snow storms to bring me something that I didn’t even know I needed… And THAT, folks, is an amazing thing to live for!

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