The idea of death, or not…

I’ve been debating all day whether to write this or not… But like so many other things, if I don’t write it, it will sit in my mind and fester until I go nuts… I’ve spent the day getting my Wills in place, making sure I had arrangements for my Cats, getting my Living Will put together, etc… I scared my best friend with some of my emails to her today, and to her I apologize… That was not my intention… My only intention was to put things on paper, and make sure others knew things that they should know… For those of you who are wondering why death is on my mind, allow me to illuminate the situation…  *click – to turn on the light*

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering
a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it. – George Carlin

First, and probably the most dangerous at the moment, 15 months ago I was diagnosed with an aneurism in the aorta above my heart… Last year, in June, it was 4.7 centimeters long… That’s just under 2 inches in size… I’m going to be confirming that size in about 2 months, sooner if I can get them to agree to it… I also have a polyp in my lung, although I was told it was nothing to worry about… I have afib of the heart, that acts up from time to time… And finally I have UC, Ulcerative Colitis…  In other words, I’m a MESS!  LOL  I’ve never been a hypochondriac in my life, but it seems that I am now… Every time I feel a twinge, a pull, or something else in my heart, my blood goes cold… (Imagine scenes from Sanford and Son; “I’m coming’ ‘Lizabeth!”)  *grin*

A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy?  –JERRY SEINFELD

It makes me want to make sure that folks know the things they should know, that people have the lists they should have, and that folks know how I feel… And shouldn’t we tell those folks how we feel anyway, withOUT the feeling that death is on the doorstep?  So that’s the other reason I’m here… To say those things that we should be saying anyway… And you’ll get this BEFORE my death, so if you have issues with what I say here, say it to me now!  ‘Cause I could croak tomorrow and you wouldn’t have a chance to edit it!  *cackle*

The living are just the dead on holiday – Maurice Maeterlinck

To my kids, Denise and Elric, thank you… Denise, you make me so proud with the things you experience and learn… You were my first child, my first experience at adulthood, and you taught me more than anyone else in my life… You and I experienced things that no one else will ever understand… You are smart, beautiful and have so much to offer… Just remember that YOU come first… Not some man… YOU… Above all else, take care of you before you try to take care of someone else…   To Elric, my smart ass son, you didn’t fall too far from your family tree… You learned quick, learned well and forgot little… I remember our discussions, our arguments and our conversations… You could have been a helluva lawyer… But I loved them!  You are a strong personality and I love that… Be who you want to be… You’ve made your mistakes, and from those mistakes you’ve made decisions… Live with those decisions and improve on them… Be what you want to be, and be the best at it… I love you both…

Quote seen, but no idea who wrote it:  When I die, can someone dress up like the Reaper and attend my ceremony?  Don’t say anything, just stand there…

To my parents, it’s not easy being my parents, I’m sure… But you hung in there… You loved me, asked about me, and made sure I knew you were there… All kids walk a strange path, but once I made it past that path, you were still there for me; waiting…  There are areas of my life that you may not agree with, but please know that I am who I am because of the strength you gave me… Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, and for loving me… I love you both so much!

Johnny Carson: For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

To my best friend, Karen… You will never know what you’ve meant to me… There are things you’ve taught me, that you’re not even aware of… Your patience, love, humour, and persistence have meant more to me, then I can possibly say here… You have the gentleness of a lamb, but the heart of a Lion!  You’ve stood up for me, when no one else did… You’ve taught me what a loving relationship is supposed to be… Hopefully I’ll have time in my life to put that last lesson to good use… Thank you for being who you are… Thank you and Derek for showing me the good and pain-free side of life… You both have your Angel Wings already, wear them proudly… I love you both!

According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take “a harder stance” on the death penalty. What’s a harder stance on the death penalty? We’re already killing the guy? How do you take a harder stance on the death penalty? What, are you going to tickle him first? Give him itching powder? Put a thumbtack on the electric chair?  –JAY LENO

To my other friends, Melissa, ML, Roger, Sharon, Jan, Janice, Anita, James, Victor and Sheila… (If you’re name is not here, it’s not that I don’t think of you too… It’s just that I’m getting old and my mind forgets things from time to time… Now…what was I doing again?)  *grin*  We’ve all shared some fabulous times together!  Some of you I work with, and you make my days go by a little faster, a little easier and a little less stressful… Some of you I know outside of work… (I know; I have a life outside of work?  How can that be?)  You’ve enriched my life, helped me to grow and helped me pave my way to what I’m supposed to be… You all have left your footprint on my heart, and I’m happy that my heart has those prints… I hope in some small way, that I’ve left a paw print for you as well…

I don’t believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
~ Woody Allen

To my Cats: Sophie, Beep and Squirt… You three have been my anchor for the last 9 years… No matter what, you are there, waiting for me, waking me up, being with me when I felt lonely, and reminding me of just what fuzzy love is… Soph, you came out of your shell at my lowest point and proved to me that you really do have a heart… You slept with me, purred for me and checked on me when I just didn’t think I had the strength anymore to get up… Beep, you showed me what a world without sound can be…  With your hearing gone, you increased your purrsonality and your voice volume to make sure you’re heard… And to Squirt, my fuzzy boyfriend, you’re the only man in my life… With your big rabbit feet, you allowed me to sing YMCA, make you fang smile, and in general use your feet for my amusement…

I have lost friends, some by death — others by sheer inability to cross the street.
~ Virginia Woolf

There are so many folks who took a chance on me… And I hope I haven’t disappointed you or made you regret that chance… I hope that in some small way, I’ve helped to make you smile… I believe that we live multiple lives in order to learn something… And that each life we pass through, is another chance to learn the next lesson on our way to whatever version of Heaven you believe in… Everyone reading this has had some small part of my life and in the lessons I needed to learn… Thank you for being there, in whatever capacity you were… And thank you for listening!

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? ~ Woody Allen

So, to death I say, ok I’m ready now… I’ve said my peace, I’ve collected my paperwork, I’ve left behind whatever I’m going to leave behind… Whatever comes, will come… And even though I hope to live and annoy people for at least another 30 to 40 years, I will leave with nothing left unsaid, or love unshown…  So bring it on! Don’t forget the scythe!  It’s just not a proper death without the scythe!  I’d feel so cheated… And just like Ron Weasley said:

“Death’s got an Invisibility Cloak?” Harry interrupted again.
“So he can sneak up on people,” said Ron. “Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking…”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows